I am beyond frustrated right now. It stems from the fact that I am incredibly bored. Normally when I get bored I go out and spend money. Lately, I’ve been trying to not spend money because my wife and I have a daughter on the way. So instead of spending money I just hang out at the house and sit on my computer and listen to music. Another reason I fell that I’m bored is because we don’t have my ten year old son this weekend. He usually keeps me pretty busy talking about his Pokemon and Minecraft obsessions. I wish we had him full time, he is the coolest dude and I really like hanging out with him.
So yeah, bored because I can’t go out and spend money. What would I spend money on? Records or books probably, that’s usually what it comes down to. I continue to buy more and more when I already have so many of each currently. It’s the power of new things to talk about with friends in real life and via the internet. Mostly via the internet since I don’t really hang out with anyone too much anymore.
I’ll be thirty-one on the 30th of this month so you would figure that all of these elementary problems wouldn’t be such a bother to me. I think so too and that frustrates me even further. Another big problem with my boredom is that I am interested in so many things that I don’t show much interest in anything for more than a short time. Or I just half ass show interest in it and consider it a real interest.
I’ve always been really into music and I buy and listen to a ton of it. I have a pretty awesome collection so far and I love that I’m able to add to it when I can. But, I don’t show the same dedication I used to towards it. I used to know every song name, lyric, and tidbit of info about the bands and their members that was available via whatever source. Now I do well to know a member or two, a few song names, and what album they come from. It might not be that bad, I should give myself some credit.
Other than music I try to get into so many other things so I can seem more interesting to people I think that I want to know or that might want to know me. I don’t know why I need constant validation from other people. It just feels good to have great conversations and fun hang outs with people that share the same interests. I used to have a big circle of friends that I would always hang out with but as we all got older we got jobs, and wives, and kids, or none of that but just grew apart. I would like to think that I am a good friend to everyone I consider a friend, but I know in reality that I’m really not what I would want in a friend. Whenever I bring that up I always hear that it’s cool and that it’s just a part of growing up. I really hate that excuse. You’re supposed to meet and befriend new people the older you get. Not the other way around.
My life is pretty awesome when it all comes down to it, it’s just at times it feels like I’m not trying hard enough to make it much better. What was I put on this Earth to do with my life? I feel that I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do as my role of a human being. I don’t want to be ordinary. I want to change people’s lives for the better so that when I leave this place everyone will know that I worked my ass off to make sure I tried to make everyone’s lives as positive as possible.
So, what should I do about trying to just focus on one interest at a time? I can’t say that I have any type of disorder because I’ve never been diagnosed with anything and I feel that that is the easy way out. I’d rather beat it than succumb to it. Any and all ideas will be welcome. Thanks in advance.